From the Eskdale weather centre:
Gale force 11 winds, violent storms, lashing rain, zero visibility
[translated as wet, cold and grim]
This report was received from the Eskdale TV news centre:
Five lunatics are believed to have escaped from Cambridge Institute for the mentally unstable and were last seen attempting to climb Cow Cove Beck. This normally damp gentle cascade has been converted into a raging torrent by the recent freak weather conditions, and we have reason to fear for their sanity. Witness reports suggest that the tallest (frequently spotted in the Burnmoor Inn) began by a death defying traverse of the main chute, only to return. Not discouraged however the Famous Five took the heather bank alternative in the middle of the fall, where the keen female removed half her clothing with the aid of a thorn bush. The tall man is believed to have taken the lead at this point and proceeded climb an unorthodox, overhanging route under the bridge.
The last glimpses of them saw them heading up a tributary waterfall where their instability was shown by their refusal to leave the water for the dry ground either side. Occasional yelps were heard coming from steep sections where they were engulfed by water.
A rather large reward is being put up for two members of the group. The others may be using the names Toby, Keith and Andy and should be approached with caution, as they may be extremely wet.
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