It is not unknown for past committee members to make "helpful" suggestions for the running of the club, as in this example (names removed to protect the guilty):
From: (an ex-president)
To: (the current president)
Subject: Essential advice contained within.
I don't mean to interfere, but (i) I feel that it's about time I should, and (ii) after spending the morning researching Paramo jackets and Snowdonia scrambles for the trip, and taking part in online competitions to win Nikwax products, I can't seem to bring myself to do any work...
Firstly, you're probably in the middle of booking bunkhouses for next year (and if not, why not?). I think that a trip to Long Sleddale would be in order for the start of Michaelmas. It has superb access (only 6 miles along a single track road). Furthermore, it is home to those well known peaks, "Grey Crag" and "Tarn Crag", with dizzying heights of nearly 700m, which should attract lots of new members (especially those wanting to experience some "proper mountaineering"). It's essential to go somewhere that people have heard of before for the first trip - anywhere too obscure and you risk people thinking our trips are boring. Admittedly, after 10 minutes searching on the map, I haven't managed to find a nearby pub (or bunkhouse) - but I suspect this is just an omission on the Ordnance Survey's part.
For the middle trip of Michaelmas, you need something REALLY good - something to persuade new members that going away every other weekend won't destroy their chances of getting a degree (or to make them think it's worth it). And it has to appeal to regulars, who won't believe you when you tell them that mid-Wales contains the undiscovered Alps of the UK. Also, as this trip's generally smaller than the first trip of Michaelmas, you can afford to go somewhere that doesn't have a massive bunkhouse. And finally, I'd like to stop off at the Stewart R Cunningham Outdoor Centre in Betws-y-Coed, as their new Paramo range should have come in by then. So, I think we should take the opportunity, while there's no café there, to camp on the top of Snowdon. This offers superb walking from the door, with a pleasant stroll from the car park on arrival. Also, we could offer the trip at a reduced fee on the assumption that many new members will be put off by the walk-in and go home (so won't need accommodation, club stores or return transport).
And after these two little gems, the final trip of Michaelmas is going to be tough. In fact - you may as well give up before you start. We don't need another club trip - what we do need, is a club-funded backpacking trip to Wasdale to let ex-presidents and ex-meets secs finish bagging the surrounding fells. While there is a youth hostel nearby, as the trip is going to be pretty small you're probably better off booking a couple of rooms in the nearest five star hotel (no point throwing club money away on unused beds).
Secondly, I feel it only right I should comment on the recent debate about oversubscribed trips. So I thought of an easy way to treble trip capacity - we have three sleeping shifts on each trip! The first is 11pm-7am, and is obviously reserved for drivers. Anyone only wanting to walk until 7am can sleep in the second shift (7am to 3pm), and all baggers/energetic people can go on a longer walk, coming back to sleep from 3pm-11pm before going back out walking again. This offers several advantages over people sleeping standing up or being stacked on top of each other - the main one being that we would be quite legitimate in not breaking any bunkhouse rules.
With all this space available on trips, you could put into action phase III of my plan - a nationwide TV ad campaign to raise awareness of CUHWC. We could expand from our current triangular-based strategy (CUHWC, CUHWC-Oxford and CUHWC-Colorado), putting in hostile takeover bids for all other university walking clubs in the UK! Once we've amassed sufficient numbers, we could then buy up all of the national parks, and charge members of the public a hefty entrance fee, thus funding our walking trips. If you think this is a bit too far-fetched, you could probably omit Northern Ireland.
Anyway, you're probably desperate to put all of these ideas into action now, so I won't keep you much longer. Just to say that if you're thinking of offering Horlicks on club trips, you might also want to reconsider my suggestions of club ice-cream, club chocolate, club Trail mix, club chocolate coated raisins, club freshly ground coffee, and club hens to provide fresh eggs.
See you tomorrow,