Said Luci, as she munched her toast,
"You must admit, I rarely boast,
Yet on these trips I usually do
At least one epic, often two.
But this weekend, I have to tell,
I have not bagged a single fell!
"Yesterday, we had to stop,
And turn back from the very top -
The wind was strong, and Phillip had,
No rainproof coat, the silly lad!
Our eight-course lunch held great appeal,
And whilst I really loved the meal,
It took too long, I rather think,
And Toby had too much to ... eat.
"The evening in the hut was long -
And very nice, don't get me wrong -
Warming up, and getting drier,
Tasting whisky by the fire,
Trying haggis, taking turns,
To read out plays and verse by Burns.
Yes, that was fun - but I'm not weak,
And now I want to BAG A PEAK!"
"Fear not", I say, "I have a plan -
Use our minibus, we can!
You have the keys, you know the ropes,
Then drive us out to Cadair's slopes!
I know that mountain's rather tough,
Let's climb it, if you're hard enough!
So out we go, but just our luck!
In slippy mud the bus is stuck.
Lucia gives a nasty glare,
And cries "What fool would park it there?"
We push and pull and puff and wheeze,
Getting muddy by degrees.
It fills my mouth - I give a yell
(The phrase, it rhymes with "muddy Bell")
Eventually, the thing comes out,
But then Lucia gives a shout -
"Look, where the bus was parked, I've found
A patch of oil, on the ground!
Oh great", she moans, "I might have known",
Then driving to a nearby phone,
She dials as quickly as she can,
the number of the breakdown man.
The bloke turns up, and rubs his head,
And says, "Look mate, your bus is dead.
You might not have paid much for it,
But it really is a heap of ... scrap metal.
You won't get far with that today,
Where're you going, by the way?
Cambridge? By god, that's miles from here!
To walk back there could take all year!"
"No way!" I shout, "we need a car,
or bus if we're to get that far!"
"Don't stress, we'll lend you one for free,
Please pick it up at half past three."
No epic! We walked up the track,
For half hour there, and half hour back.
That's all we had the time to do;
Lucia sulked the whole way through.
Now, if you want to have your walk,
Compared to ours, like cheese and chalk,
Then you would my wise indeed,
My three instructions well to heed.
Don't sip wine upon the hill -
Make you dizzy, that it will.
Two: if you want to drive your bus,
Out to a walk, with little fuss,
Then parking it in mud will prove
A very, very, silly move
And third, my friend, please never go
With dodgy Anglian Van Hire Co.