THE DEFINITIVE THIRTY REASONS WHY....
Why Climbing is Better than Women :)

1. A rock climb doesn't complain when you disappear to visit "that cute little E3 down the cliff"
2. You can normally tell when a rock climb is impossible
3. You can explore the gullies on a mountain at any time of year
4. Rock climbs don't get stroppy every 4 weeks
5. If you don't have the energy to get up anything a rock climb doesn't complain.
6. Frigid ice climbs are fun ...
7. The use of ropes is not considered unusual in climbing
8. On a rock climb if your protection fails you don't have to worry about the repercussions for the next 18 years (in fact you won't be worrying about anything as you'll probably be dead)
9. You don't have to buy a rock climb flowers ...
10. ... or chocolates
11. ... or take it to slushy films
12. You don't get jealous if someone else climbs on the same cliff as you
13. Rock climbs don't care if you have a smoke/beer/hot dog after the climb
14. If, in the heat of the moment, you fall off a rock climb you don't get laughed at by the rock climb's sister/friends/new climber (OK, the new climber may laugh - until he falls off)
15. Working without lubrication is a definite bonus for rock climbing
16. Rock climbs don't ask you to shave/get a haircut/grow a beard/dress nicely
17. Rock climbs don't demand you shower before you get onto them
18. Rock climbs don't mind if you take a rest halfway up
19. Rock climbs don't require foreplay
20. Collapsing exhausted/falling asleep immediately afterwards might be considered a compliment by a rock climb.
21. A rock climb doesn't complain if you get benighted on the local barmaid (or a climbing route for that matter!)
22. If a rock climb leaves you dangling on a string you can easily get back to your previous high point without confusion
23. You don't feel guilty over dumping a rock climb for something easier....
24. ... and you can always try the hard one later
25. Rock climbs are honest: they admit they want to kill you
26. Rock climbs don't give you nasty little rashes (although rope/gravel burn is possible; but not as embarrassing!)
27. Rock climbs have officially graded difficulty levels which are published in guide books to prevent disasters
28. Your local crag doesn't dump you when you go abroad to climb something foreign
29. Rock climbs are rarely the property of any one person who would dismember you for touching his private rock
30. Rock climbs don't kill you for writing sarcastic articles.

Author has since been tragically killed - in a "climbing" accident (see nos. 29 & 30).

Last modified: Wednesday, 25 April 2007, at 19:59 (BST)